or no money
do we have what it takes to handle both scenes?
these past few days have been minimalistic. I bought Fiance a tv for his birthday and prepared myself for the 2 weeks of poverty that would follow. Tomorrow is pay day and I'd like to reflect on the free life lessons that have shown themselves while I've been without big green.
LESSON # 1
listen to your mother!
Of all the things that my mother has taught me this may be the only thing that changed the course of my life:
Stop Living Above Your Means
It was something I needed to hear continuously. Through the phase of my life when all my friends wore branded clothing this was an especially hard pill to swallow. No one wants to feel like an outsider during those tender teenage years. I would cry for money, pretend I had it, use it to make myself fit in. When I got my first part-time job I was naturally out of control spending my money on clothing and stuff for my friends. On the occasions that I had to ask my mother to spot me some rands before pay day she would really let me have it. I still never understood the lesson even though I was already 20.
6 years on her wisdom hit as the recession did, it seemed as though we were one of the only families who were completely unaffected. My mother never let the fear of keeping up with the Joneses run her into debt.
It seems that when presented with the option of buying something on credit or going without, most people choose the former.
Although it was a trying process for us both, my mother did manage to instill in me the sense to choose the latter.
In fact, the idea of debt abhors me- on the occasion that I have had to borrow money from anyone I make it a point of returning the money at the first chance I get. LESSON # 2
no money = more resourceful
Well that’s a contradiction if I ever saw one.
Or is it?
When I don’t have money I find myself digging into the recesses of my brain to come up with ideas on how to survive. And by survive I don’t literally mean stay alive. Rather I am talking about getting through the weekend outings with the girls/ the birthday presents that need to be bought/ the random and frequent celebrations that tend to spring out of nowhere/ finding interesting things to do with Fiance.
It’s as if my creative instincts are awakened and ideas are oozing out of my ears. I think it’s when I tap into my poverty-success resource. It’s a term that I’ve given to the mechanism involved in all the famous rags to riches stories. From the Great Gatsby, to Oprah, to my own parents. When people have nothing they work so much harder to make a success of themselves. They spend all their time utitlising their poverty-success resource as having no money is exactly the impetus that they need to maximise their abilities.
Sadly the more successful your parents are, the more lazy you will be (generally). It’s as if my generation chose a (sky-lit) roof over their heads/ (gourmet) food in their bellies and (designer) clothes on their backs over the will/ drive/ tenacity to be successful. Nowadays no one applies themselves fully to anything that they do, there are no more passionate geniuses.
Rather, we walk around with an attitude that we are owed something and that’s something our
parents never grew up with.
It’s nice to know that now and then, when I have no money to buy someone else’s ideas, I can come up with my own.
when there is no money, keep the eye contact (it’s free)
This is not a pie-in-the-sky philosophy.
this is based on true life and true love.
When you love someone it is not about how much money they have, it’s about what kind of person they become when they don’t have money.
Being with someone in a meaningful and lasting way means preparing yourself for days when he will have and you won’t; when you will have and he won’t and then for those great days when you both have and those awful situations when you both don’t. Contrary to popular gossip, none of these are automatic recipes for disaster.
WHEN MEN ARE STRUGGLING THEY MAY ASK
Q: What kind of man will I be if I take money from you?
Your Reply-
Q: What kind of woman would I be if I went out and bought meaningless things with my money while you struggled for us both?
Men need to understand that they are not lesser men for not having money, but for not showing their resilience in the face of financial strain. To a woman, a hero happens to be a man who runs around all day trying to provide for her but who puts on a mask that makes her feel secure at night.
The key is to be happy or content with where life places you at any given time. So when it happens to be at the bottom of the financial hill, don’t let it bring out a monster in you. Trust in God, show support, laugh everything off and have an open mind. Always create an environment of safety for one another.
Lock eyes when the going is good, and lock eyes even more when things get bad.
LESSON # 4
give a lot
This is an unfailing philosophy taught by most faiths.
It requires a degree of spirituality to be applied though. If you have faith in a higher power then you usually understand the responsibility to do good unto others.
Parting with your money freely is one such good. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon Him) would give his possessions to the poor everyday living off the principal that:
"If you trust in God as it ought to be, He will provide sustenance for you as He provides sustenance for the bird which goes forth early in the morning with hunger in its belly but returns in the evening with its stomach full."
From this we learn that when we throw good into the wheel of life, that we will have that good returned (most likely at a time when we need it most).
Give freely and give to free yourself- if it doesn’t come naturally, do it anyway.
This is a motto I live by and will hopefully die by.
In conclusion, I want to validate the above thoughts. I know my darkest financial days are not behind me and that people will use this to call me naïve. But to them I say that money is only worth as much as what and who you choose to use it on and share it with. Liberate yourself from the stereotypes that attribute all the power to money.
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